This is the question you ask yourself when you're staring at a photo of your grandparents (who were married for 50 years) and wondering, how'd they do it? It's the question all of us women (and men) ask ourselves after the demise of a relationship we thought was destined to be a headline story in JET Weddings or The Knot. It's even the question you may find yourself asking two years into your recent marriage - What does it take to sustain a healthy marriage?
As someone who is newly engaged (grinning) this is something I've always pondered hard about, so I sought out four married, thriving power couples to share with us ingredients for the receipe of a healthy marriage! These four power couples are just as in love today as they were the day they walked down the aisle, here's why:
Michael & Teneshia Warner | Married for 8 Years
Teneshia's Thoughts | CEO, The Egami Group
1. Friendship - It's a beautiful thing to be married to your best friend. At the end of the day, you want to have friendship at the center of a marriage.
2. Kindness - Remember to always treat each other with kindness.
3. Commitment - Marriage will be filled with ups and downs; through everything, you must be COMMITTED to your marriage.
Mike's Thoughts | COO, The Egami Group
1. Communications - Communications should be used for not just telling your partner your desires but also utilized to listen to what matters to your partner. You must master listening to sustain a healthy marriage.
2. Commitment - This is the thing that will keep you together when everything else is not working.
3. Caring - Every human being needs to be cared for, and marriage gives you the ultimate vehicle to care for another human being. It also is the perfect vehicle to receive love and care from someone else.
Errol & Joi Gordon | Married for 21 Years
Joi's Thoughts | CEO, Dress for Success Worldwide
1. Endless laughter - It requires you to be able to laugh at yourself and each other and never take it or make it that serious, it never really is.
2. Friendship - Knowing that your mate is someone who would have been your best friend if you would not have married him.
3. Finding the common thread - For us it is Fishing. It is the one thing we both enjoy and we find time often to share the joy of it together. Nothing like having a fishing buddy to share all the "big fish that got away" stories with.
Errol's Thoughts | CEO, Gordon's Limousine Service, Inc.
1. Individuality - We never stifled each other's growth. There was no competition between us- we had our own lives, friends, careers and always wanted the best for each other but never envied what the other had. Success for both of us looks different - we are both successful and we celebrate that we each are trailblazers.
2. Respect - We rarely argue. Someone has to be the bigger person. Patience can make someone a great businessperson but also a great spouse. Never degrade each other with your words - words are powerful and it is easy to destroy a person.
3. Travel - Explore new things together as often as you can. Big trips are great but dinner out once a week is even better. A long drive can be a journey in and of itself. It is important to make memories and spend time completely alone with each other.
Iftikhar & Sarah Nadeem | Married for 25 Years
Sarah's Thoughts
1. Commitment to sustain - There must be an underlying commitment to persevere no matter what, in spite of.
2. Tolerating each other - There will be time you don't like your spouse, but the love and values that we share allows us to tolerate the things that aren't so like-able.
3. Thinking about the best for the children - At the end of the day our children are a part of the family that we've built and our actions have the ability to affect them into their adulthood. Think about them when things may not be at their best and ask if its worth it.
Iftikhar's Thoughts | Coach & Counselor, King Fahd University of Petroleum & Minerals
1. Unconditional love - The more you make it conditional its never ending and you'll always be seeking balance.
2. Keeping excitement in the relationship - This also determines the quality of the relationship. If there is no excitement, that means you've been doing the same thing all of these years. You need renewal
3. Tolerating and supporting each other - Not living with or close to family can be positive. We moved into a new country, so we didn't have people around to complicate things. Too much involvement from family can have triggers, negatively on the relationship. We worked out our problems on our own and supported each other.
Edwin & Regina Lloyd | Married for 35 years
Regina's Thoughts | Teacher's Aid, Millstone River School
1. Commitment - Be committed to each other and the relationship.
2. Compliment each other - Know that you are complete in God and confident to that end while the other person needs to compliment you.
3. Sacrifice - You both must sacrifice for the well being of the whole and the goals you have set for the institution.
Edwin's Thoughts | Retired, Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation
1. See a legacy - You both have to have a greater purpose than the relationship itself.
2. Knowing what matters - Know that everything is not worth fighting over. Are you healthy, are you safe?
3. Commitment - We live in a disposable society where if we're not happy with something we just move on and discard it. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but there are a lot on onions on the other side. Sometimes my wife gets on my last nerves, but I like her.
Take these pearls of wisdom to heart and see where you can apply the value of their words to your situation. Perspective is sometimes all we need to see what we weren't able to before. Cheers to love!
-Candace Elena